My family is cooler than yours

"Okay, smile!"

Mom: She is unfailingly kind, but my mom can also quote and name all of the characters on South Park. She’s really good at word games and at using words to make people laugh. Polio has left her with a life-long limp, which recently led to a hip replacement. What does her family do? We make fun of her for limping. What does she do? She laughs and makes fun of herself. She likes things that nobody knows about, like plastic canvas, really terrible monster movies, and Mystery Science Theater. There is nothing better than making my mom laugh.

Dad: He is bald. And his family thinks it’s funny. He does too, but he won’t admit it. He is also hilarious, but he’d never admit that, either. He spent the majority of his young adult life playing the drums in various rock bands. He sometimes wore a white fedora and looked like David Bowie. He listens to Dream Theater, AC/DC, Journey, Abba, and Yes and has shared his great taste in music with his children. He is good at everything he tries and everything he says is profound and accurate because he is a genius.

Brother: Larry discovered the secret to a healthy life. As a scrawny kid, he refused to eat anything but macaroni and cheese until he was in his late teens. Now he’s taller, stronger, and healthier than anyone in our family and most other humans. If anyone ever did anything to hurt a member of his family, he would not hesitate to “eliminate the problem” (and he very easily could). Even though he is physically terrifying, he is a laid back yet loyal friend. He watches shows and reads about black holes and physics because he’s super smart. He is also hilarious, but I’m pretty sure he would admit it.

 

Sister: Anything cool that has ever existed was discovered by Nicki before it became popular to anyone else. She introduced me to wonderful things like Flight of the Concords, David Bowie, 21 Jump Street, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child books, Ralph Vaughan Williams, and Frasier. She likes cools things and old things and fun things because she genuinely likes them. She’s a hipster’s aspiration. She gets the hiccups when she laughs and has handwriting that looks like it was typed. She can sing along to Mariah Carey’s entire Christmas album and play Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” on the piano with her insanely long fingers. She has more facial control than anyone I have ever met ever and it is the scariest or funniest thing ever, depending on the context.

Sister: Lisa refers to me affectionately as “Hippo” or “Whore”—whichever the situation calls for. When she starts laughing really hard, no sound comes out until she starts coughing and needs an inhaler. She is the shortest person in our family and has the worst asthma, yet she is the only one who has shown real interest in and is good at sports. She can remember every mean thing that Nicki and I have done to her ever but she laughs about it instead of holding grudges (despite the definite emotional damage we probably caused). She knows every good song the day after it comes out and can dance to it, too. Everything she wears looks good and she is an amazing interior designer.  She can also predict the outcome of a mystery movie or show before I even realize that it’s a mystery.

My family bonds over things like X-Files, Harry Potter marathons at Christmas time, Rook, and making fun of each other. We do things like go to Muse concerts together and eat our brains out at amazing restaurants. We have had some pretty hard family and personal struggles, but we always find a way to laugh about it.

I think that’s pretty cool.